i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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