so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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