Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
are you so shy because you have an std?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
