sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
