I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
