Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
