omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
