We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
