im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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