my mouth tastes like poor choices
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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