Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
