My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
