im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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