Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
