I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
