How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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