just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just forgot I was standing up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
