just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
