Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
