He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
