You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
