pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
