So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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