So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
