I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
