sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
