cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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