Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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