remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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