I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
