she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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