My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
