You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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