Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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