I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
