I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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