My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone shit on the floor
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
