Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
