and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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