It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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