I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
