You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
