I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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