it hurts more in the daytime
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We had to coat check the pizza.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
