Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
