its not stalking. its research.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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