The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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