omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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