hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
