I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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