Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
