So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
