Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
