Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
